Effortless Imperfection

i miss falling asleep and waking up to the sound of distant fog horns.

[This content is sourced from Wikipedia]

Projective Identification (or PI) is a term first introduced by Melanie Klein of the object relations school of psychoanalytic thought in 1946. It refers to a psychological process in which a person engages in the ego defense mechanism projection in such a way that his behavior towards the object of projection invokes in that person precisely the thoughts, feelings or behaviors projected.

Projective identification differs from simple projection in that projective identification is a self-fulfilling prophecy, whereby a person, believing something false about another, relates to that other person in such a way that the other person alters his behavior to make the belief true. The second person is influenced by the projection and begins to behave as though he or she is in fact actually characterized by the projected thoughts or beliefs. This is a process that generally happens outside the awareness of both parties involved, though this has been debated.

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What is projected most often is an intolerable, painful, or dangerous idea or belief about the self that the projecting person cannot accept (i.e. “I have behaved wrongly” or “I have a sexual feeling towards ….” ). Or it may be a valued or esteemed idea that again is difficult for the projecting person to acknowledge. Projective identification is believed to be a very early or primitive psychological process and is understood to be one of the more primitive defense mechanisms. Yet it is also thought to be the basis of more mature psychological processes like empathy and intuition.

In her book Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, Nancy McWilliams points out that projective identification combines elements of projection (attributing one’s own feelings, thoughts, and motives to others) and introjection (incorporating the feelings, motives, and thoughts of others). Projective identification, in a way, validates one’s projection by making the projection real.

This is the benefit of the defense. By inducing the projected experience in another, one is more able to avoid the reality that the projected content is part of one’s own experience. For example, a psychotherapy client who has unacceptable erotic feelings toward a therapist might behave in a highly seductive manner. Once the therapist began to feel attracted, any behaviors on the therapist’s part that betrayed the attraction could help the client focus attention on the therapist’s feelings and behavior. This could prevent the client from attending to his or her own erotic impulses, thereby keeping them out of awareness.

External links

• Projective Identification Theory with Vignettes & References
• More on Projective Identification Theory & References

Think of slapping a hand. If someone slaps a hand over and over again in the same spot, the slaps become progressively more painful, and the hand becomes progressively more sensitive. Once the hand is hypersensitive, its protective instincts kick in, and its main focus becomes the prevention of further injury. The person attached to the hand becomes acutely aware of any movement in the direction of the hand, of any shadow that could signal an oncoming slap.

I haven’t posted in a few days because I had to go out of town unexpectedly. My boyfriend’s grandfather passed away, so we went to Alabama to be with his family and attend the services.

Aside from the sad circumstances surrounding our visit, it was a nice trip. His family is very kind and generous, and also very fun. It was interesting to hear how a man’s wife, children, and grandchildren remember him and talk about him after he has passed away.

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On a lighter note, I begin sewing lessons tomorrow! I’m really excited and hope to learn a lot. I’ll be leaving town for Chicago on Thursday evening, though, so I’ll have to wait until after I return (the following Thursday) to continue the lessons. I’ll update the blog again after my first session. Wish my luck!

Yesterday was my birthday! I had a blast at my Bday BBQ Bonanza… I have fantastic friends and family, and it’s always a great time when we all get together. My family, who are spread out in different places, were incredibly thoughtful and sweet with their birthday wishes, phone calls, and flowers. My friends, who are like family, were equally kind and generous with their offerings, and made time on a gorgeous day to celebrate with me. I’m a lucky gal.

I’ve always had an interest in hair cutting and coloring, and my friends and I used to cut and dye each others hair all the time, starting in about 7th grade. I cut my own hair for awhile in high school, too.

A couple of years ago, I started cutting and coloring my own hair again. I figured that it would save a lot of money, especially if I bought professional hair color online, instead of using the crappy, expensive stuff that comes in a box for home hair coloring.

Now, though, compared to when I was in high school, my hair is very short and it’s a bit difficult to cut. I have to use a couple of mirrors and it usually doesn’t turn out exactly how I want it to. It’s still way cheaper than having it done professionally, but it takes a really long time. Also, I hate cleaning up all the hair. I’ve thought about going to school to become certified as a stylist, but I’m pretty sure you have to become a certified aesthetic practitioner or something, which involves beauty-related areas other than just hair. At this age, I don’t know if it makes sense to start something like that.

I’ve begun to wonder if the shape of a person’s head changes over time. I feel like it’s much harder now than it was a few years ago to achieve the cut that I want, whether I’m cutting it myself or having it done professionally. Even when I bring pictures of myself with the haircut that I want with me to the salon, it doesn’t seem to turn out looking the same. Maybe my face, and not my head shape, has changed, and that’s what’s making the difference.